Steps

As a 24 year old woman, I have a perfectly "normal" libido (substitute also: lively, vigorous, voracious, etc.). Despite present attempts to temper said voracious libido, it remains untamed. Perhaps I'm just reacting to the abundance of attention showered upon newly single little me. I feel as though I have a red neon "Available" sign emblazoned above my head. The attention is all male, of course. I look decidedly straight. I haven't the slightest idea how to successfully navigate the lesbian dating scene. I'm doomed.

I made a decision to lay off the sex for a bit. It seems the universe obliges by making every person I find attractive immediately available to me for any pleasure I may seek. Thank you, Universe, for the timing. So, I "laid off the sex" for all of a week. I'm struggling with that journey.

I have a baby crush on a girl I work with. She is oh-so-taken already, and is a step or two above me on the workplace ladder. This attraction spells disaster anyway you hang it. I know I have to bury this little infatuation, when in the past I may have acted upon it. Step #1 in that same journey. I still look at her every time she passes, still imagine I see a spark of returned interest. I find it embarrassing that at my age I am unable to quell the attraction outright.

I am beginning to believe I am drawn only to trouble.

My, me, mine

I let the submissive parts take over. I rolled, tail tucked, belly exposed. I said, "yes, master." What a game to play. All the while I knew I was better than that. All the while I knew who the dominate one was. Now I'm disgusted. Now the dominate one is biting and clawing its way right out again. If the suppression continues I'll be shredded when it all ends. The dominate one is too insistent. I know what truth looks like. I know how lies disguise themselves. I let the passion conceal everything else. Shameful, really.

I'll lick my wounds. I'll regret. I'll believe I made a fatal error.

I'll emerge a cliche. A caterpillar, a butterfly.