March 6, 2011

Steps

As a 24 year old woman, I have a perfectly "normal" libido (substitute also: lively, vigorous, voracious, etc.). Despite present attempts to temper said voracious libido, it remains untamed. Perhaps I'm just reacting to the abundance of attention showered upon newly single little me. I feel as though I have a red neon "Available" sign emblazoned above my head. The attention is all male, of course. I look decidedly straight. I haven't the slightest idea how to successfully navigate the lesbian dating scene. I'm doomed.

I made a decision to lay off the sex for a bit. It seems the universe obliges by making every person I find attractive immediately available to me for any pleasure I may seek. Thank you, Universe, for the timing. So, I "laid off the sex" for all of a week. I'm struggling with that journey.

I have a baby crush on a girl I work with. She is oh-so-taken already, and is a step or two above me on the workplace ladder. This attraction spells disaster anyway you hang it. I know I have to bury this little infatuation, when in the past I may have acted upon it. Step #1 in that same journey. I still look at her every time she passes, still imagine I see a spark of returned interest. I find it embarrassing that at my age I am unable to quell the attraction outright.

I am beginning to believe I am drawn only to trouble.