December 23, 2009


Does music ever induce that mood in you? Must move. Must write. Must let it devour you.

I had a strange dream. In it I was doing commonplace things, but was drunk, dizzy, incapable of directing my own movements. I was not paralyzed, just tilted. Swimmy. I woke with a feeling of drowning in dizziness. I was stuck, and so tired of fighting it. Is that what death feels like?

I never understood why people are so driven to meet career goals. I realized it is truly another form of running. It was for me. Currently I'm existing in life's gratifying little pleasures. Hedonism, they call it. There is no higher goal than pleasure. Hot tea, warm robe, gorgeous perfume, stack of freshly purchased books, floaty music, fragrant lavender.

I'm swimming in serotonin, drowning in my own dopamine.
"Self-improvement is masturbation."
Everything is masturbation, really.

The very word carries negative connotations. Society caters to a different crowd. Here we are looked down upon for seeking pleasure. It is a shame, really.

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